Howdy. I’m Jared Walls. I’m a writer, stand-up comic and sweaty person living in Austin, Texas. This is one of those scrolly websites that tells you everything I do.

So young, so full of hope. So close to being consumed by that giant spaghetti monster.

Upcoming Shows

I’ll be “telling” “jokes” here:

Dec. 29 | Hammer & Giggle Holiday Comedy Ball| Russian House| Austin
Jan. 2 | 50 First Jokes | Spider House Ballroom | Austin


Don’t Read This If You Don’t Like Swears or Cusses
(I first posted this essay on Medium) When I was in the 4th or 5th grade, my mom worked at the
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The Day My Daughters Debriefed Me On Their First Active-Shooter Drill
(I first posted this essay on Medium) We received an email, we also received a flyer with the same information.
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I Ran Into My Future Self And The Universe Didn’t Implode
I was jogging and I came up on this old man in a wheelchair. A woman drives up, rolls down
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I write funny stuff sometimes for other people. Here’s a quick overview of some of those stuffs:

Social Media

Funny or Die

“Stares Larry Davidly” meme featured on Funny or Die’s social media platforms, Aug. 12, 2018

Matt Rutledge (CEO of

writing on birds

Pitch by Funny or Die

Web Content

Funny or Die: Beer Taps Bartenders Hate To Pull On

Lazy Portmanteau

I’m a contributor for It’s a site that covers cars that may or may not be hot, but they let me sprinkle facts about wizards and robots in there for some reason.hotcars


I do stand-up (I said that earlier. There’s a lot here. I get it. Maybe you forgot. I don’t blame you). Here’s a clip of me performing in the Funniest Person in Austin Contest, 2018 (spoiler alert: I didn’t win):

Not-Necessarily Funny Words

From 2011 – 2013, I was a contributor for the now-defunct Here are some shows I reviewed during Moontower Comedy Festival:

I mostly interviewed comedians, though. Here are some of those interviews:


Here are some podcasts people talked to me at:

Poems & Such

I have an M.F.A. in Creative Writing (sorry, Dad). Here are some of my poems:

Here are some book reviews I wrote during my tenure as Poetry Editor for Front Porch Journal:

Get At Me